


My Valentine Ghoul

by Steffie



Series: Of Guilt & Necromancy [6]
Category: Count Duckula
Genre: F/M, Humor, Love Potion/Spell, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-01
Updated: 2011-10-01
Packaged: 2017-10-24 05:44:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/259650
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Steffie/pseuds/Steffie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dr. Von Goosewing decided to invent a device that would destroy Count Duckula: make him fall so madly in love that he'd be helpless...</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Valentine Ghoul

Austria; home of the vampire-duck hunter Dr. Von Goosewing. Beware, Count  
Duckula, for the elderly gander invented a weapon that shall mean your demise!

*Meanwhile, inside Dr. Von Goosewing's cottage*

"Eureka! I heff finally finished it!" Dr. Von Goosewing cheered in triumph as he  
held a musket in the air, like a precious trophy. Behind him sat an elderly  
goose by the coffee table. She wore a black Kitty Foyle dress(which had a green  
brooch on the front), black stockings and boots. Her grey hair was tied into a  
neat bun. On the edge of her small beak sat her pince-nez. Her green eyes shone  
with curiosity as she watched her best friend cuddle the musket like a newborn  
baby.

"Erich, vot did you finally finish?" Klara, the female goose, asked.  
"Oh Klara, I heff finally finished mein new Dr. Von Goosewing Lieb Gun Mark  
Zwei."  
"A lieb gun?" Klara asked, curious.  
"Ja, a lieb gun. Vhen zat foul fiend gets strike by ze ray, helpless he shall  
be. Zen I can destroy him vhen he iz in zat state."  
"Iz it because of vot he had done to you all zhose years ago?"  
"Ja. Zat foul fiend made me fall in lieb mit his female disguise. Zhen he caused  
me lots of pain by pretending he heff killed Heinrich..."  
Klara fidgeted nervously around in her seat as her best friend shrugged and  
stated that he's glad Heinrich wasn't killed by Count Duckula after all. She  
gave a quick glance at the seat next to her. Heinrich's cup of tea and scone  
were untouched. Tears started to form in her eyes.  
Heinrich was killed by that Count Duckula years ago. Poor Goosewing became  
insane after all those years of guilt, which made him believe his assistant  
never died. Klara always found it uncomfortable whenever her best friend acted  
as if Heinrich's in the same room as them.

"Klara, I am wery sorry for mein rudeness... but, Heinrich und I must go to  
Transylvania to destroy ze Count." Goosewing state as he turned his heel to  
leave.  
"Erich, vait!" Klara shouted, which stopped the elderly goose in his tracks.  
"Ja, vot iz it? Hey, vhere iz Heinrich all ze sudden?"  
"Zat iz vot I need to talk to you about. Heinrich told me zat he had to go and  
visit his family in Hungary for a few days." the elderly female goose felt  
guilty that she was telling her friend stories.  
"Oh? But, ve need to destroy ze foul fiend..."  
"Zat iz vhy I vant to be your assistant for today!"  
"But Klara, it iz too dangerous!" the vampire hunter stated as he gripped on his  
best friend's shoulders, not noticing her blush.  
"Nein, Erich, I am coming mit you!"  
"..." Dr. Von Goosewing sighed in defeat. He knew he headstrong she can be;  
besides, it's very dangerous for him to confront Igor on his own.  
"Fine. You may come mit me. But, please be very careful, ja?" the vampire hunter  
warned as he turned his heel to leave to Transylvania, his new assistant in tow.

*Much later, Castle Duckula*

It was a peaceful day in Transylvania. Count Duckula quietly read a detective  
novel, imagining himself as the detective. Nanny made a ruckus wherever she  
tried to dust. Igor was performing a ritual that he hoped would transform his  
young master into a true vampire.  
"Let's see now...", Igor thought out loud as he checked the ingredients he had  
with him,"Bat blood, M'Lord's two tail feathers, my two tail feathers and  
Nanny's two tail feathers. The only thing missing would be the tail feathers of  
the master's beloved. Ugh. Dis-GUS-ting! Why do so many of these spells demand  
that the young master must be in love?"

The elderly vulture left the chamber in disgust. There always seemed to be a  
catch whenever he found a spell that would change Count Duckula into a true  
vampire. Why must that catch always be love? Igor always believed that love was  
a waste of time, which had upset his late mother. She wanted at least a  
grandchild from him; despite the fact she had so many from his brothers and  
sisters. He was more interested in the dark and eerie.  
Igor was lost in thought as he dawdled through the passage, not noticing that a  
rope of a hot-air balloon was tied to the castle. But, he did notice a goose  
that climbed through the window, the one he had just passed, with effort. It was  
a goose in a black dress.

"Finally made it. I knew I shouldn't heff vorn zis dress. It iz wery difficult  
to run and climb in it." the goose stated. Igor narrowed his eyes as he  
approached the figure. Why was Goosewing disguised as a lady? Must be one of his  
hair-brained schemes to destroy the young master.  
When the butler finally stood right behind the goose, he was surprised that the  
fowl didn't shudder in fear when "he" turned around to face him.  
"Wow! I khant believe it! I am in ze presence of ze foul fiend Count Duckula  
himself!"  
"What?" Igor was baffled. Did the doctor lose more of his marbles?  
"Ja, you must be ze count! You heff a dark und sinister aura! Und you look wery  
scary as vell!"

As the vulture stared at the shorter fowl, Count Duckula suddenly appeared in a  
puff of smoke in front of him. The mallard looked up to his butler with an  
annoyed look on his face.  
"Igor! There you are! I was looking for you everywhere!" Duckula scolded his  
butler.  
"My apologies M'Lord. I was occupied at the moment." the vulture stated, turning  
his attention to the goose. Duckula blinked in surprise when he too noticed the  
fowl.  
"Goosewing, is that you? Why are you wearing a dress?" Duckula pointed at the  
goose.  
"Vho are you?" the goose asked, arms akimbo. Count Duckula and his butler shook  
their heads in defeat.  
"Oh dear. You're worse than Nanny, Goosewing--" Duckula stated as Nanny smashed  
through the wall behind him.  
"You called, Duckyboos?" Nanny asked.  
"No Nanny, I wasn't."  
"Strange, I thought I heard you call my name..."  
"No Nanny, I--nevermind."

To everyone's surprise, Dr. Von Goosewing fell through the ceiling and landed on  
the floor in front of Duckula and his servants. The gander looked confused when  
he noticed his lady friend somehow got into the castle before him. His confused  
expression was replaced with anger the moment he noticed his prey.  
"Count Duckula, you foul fiend! I heff finally got you!" the vampire hunter  
sneered, his musket aimed to shoot at the mallard's chest.  
"Goosewing?", Duckula scratched his head in confusion, "If that's you over  
there, who is this?"  
"I am Klara Von Goudwerk." Klara honked in annoyance.  
"I can't believe you took your girlfriend with you while you hunt for vampires!  
Shame on you!" Duckula scolded his nemesis.  
"Vot iz you talking about? Klara here iz mein assistant vhile Heinrich iz on  
vacation."  
"Vait a second, iz zat puny duck Count Duckula?" Klara asked in shock, pointing  
at the angry mallard.  
"Ja, zat pathetic-looking duck is ze foul fiend himself."  
"Hey!" Duckula protested. He can't believe he was insulted like this by the one  
fowl that believed he's a menace to society.  
"Zat iz not right. His butler looks even scarier zhan him." the goose shook her  
head in disbelief.

Duckula felt his blood boil. How dare they insult him like that? Before he could  
say anything, Goosewing suddenly fired a shot at him. The mallad was frozen with  
fear. He couldn't move an inch. He felt Igor giving him a hard shove as the  
vulture took the blast for his master. He fell hard on the floor, motionless.  
"Igor?!" Duckula gasped in horror as he kneeled down to his butler.  
"Mr. Igor?" Nanny was just as worried as she tried to shake her friend awake.  
Duckula turned around the moment Dr. Von Goosewing accidentally shot himself  
somehow. The gander was also lying motionless on his back as his lady friend  
tried to wake him up.

"Erich, wake up!" Klara cried as she shook Goosewing's shoulders.  
"Ugh...vot ze hell happened?" Goosewing asked groggily as he stood up, using the  
musket as a crutch. He clutched his head in pain as he felt it pound loudly.  
"Erich, are you okay?" Klara asked in a worried tone. Suddenly, Goosewing looked  
as if he was struck by Cupid's arrow. There were hearts in his eyes. Giant  
hearts flew around his head as well.  
"You must be an angel! No one could be so beautiful!" Goosewing sang lovingly.  
Klara blushed madly.  
"Oh Erich, I don't know what to say..."  
"I heff never met a hen as beautiful as you..."  
"Huh?", Klara almost fell over in shock,"But Erich, I am a goose!"  
"I know you are a goose, but mein liebling is a hen!" Goosewing sang as he  
skipped towards Nanny, ignorant of the fact that Igor was wooing his new love as  
well.  
"Oh Emma, you are more beautiful than the day we first met!" Igor sang as he  
held Nanny's hand gently in his. Nanny blushed madly as the vulture flirted with  
her. Duckula was very confused and worried.  
"Igor, are you okay?"  
"Never felt better, M'Lord."  
"But, I thought you and Nanny were just very good friends!"  
"So did I, but I finally realized what she meant to me."  
Igor kneeled on one knee, to the shock of the young mallard.  
"Oh Emma, would you be my wife?"  
"Oh Iggypoos, I thought you'd never ask me!"  
"Hold it right there, Igor! Nanny is mein liebling!" Goosewing honked wildly as  
he stood face to face with the taller vulture.  
"No! She accepted my hand in marriage! She is my love, not yours!"  
"Now, now, boys. Stay calm; or I'll smack both your legs!"

As the fighting continued, Klara approached Duckula. Both fowls gave each other  
a quick glance, then back at the bickering trio. They both shrugged and decided  
to wait and see what happens.  
"She loves me more!"  
"Nein, she loves me more zan you!"  
"No, me!"  
"Nein, me!"  
"Okay, that settles it. Nanny, please state who do you love more?"  
"Oh dear, I love you both quite a lot..."  
The trio bickered some more when Igor suddenly scooped Nanny in his arms and ran  
off.

"Come Emma, let's get married and go off on our honeymoon!" Igor smiled as he  
struggled to run with the large hen, Goosewing right on their trail.  
"I can't believe I get to see the day when Igor would actually want to marry  
Nanny. I must admit, Goosewing's invention might be working a bit too well."  
Duckula stated as Igor ran past him with Nanny in his arms.  
"Vell, Erich's Dr. Von Goosewing Lieb Gun Mark Zwei iz supposed to make anyone  
be helplessly in love mit anyone. But, as you can see, zey aren't helpless."  
Klara pointed out as the trio ran around in circles.

Suddenly, Igor stopped in his tracks. He wondered out loud why he was carrying  
Nanny in his arms. He lost his balance when his body realized how heavy Nanny  
was. Goosewing stopped in his tracks as well.  
"What just happened?" Igor demanded as he got back to his feet.  
"Ha, mein Dr. Von Goosewing Lieb Gun Mark Zwei iz vorking! Now Count Duckula,  
prepare to meet your doom!" the doctor smirked as he aimed his gun at the  
vegeterian vampire. He fired the musket, only to realize he held it the wrong  
way the moment the ray struck his best friend. He then held it the right way and  
fired again, only to hit Nanny by accident.  
"Oh no..." Igor muttered as he noticed both women stared at him with love-struck  
eyes. The vulture never ran so fast before in his life when they charged towards  
him.

"Wow Igor, I never knew you were a ladies' man. Heheh." Duckula chuckled as they  
women squealed that they want to be his bride.  
"Zat iz strange. I zought Igor vosn't Klara's type..."  
After what felt like hours for Igor, the women finally stopped chasing him. The  
butler, needless to say, was very relieved. The vampire hunter tried to shoot  
Duckula again, but shot himself instead.  
"Duckula, mein liebling!" Dr. Von Goosewing blushed madly as he held his arms  
out wide as he ran towards the horrified duck.  
"Argh! Nanny! Igor! Help!!" Duckula screamed in horror as he ran for his life,  
love-struck gander in tow.

Klara sighed in defeat as she watched her best friend chase the vegeterian  
vampire.  
"Maybe zat lieb gun vos not such a good idea after all, ja?" Klara shrugged as  
she turned to face the audience.  
"Ugh, I have enough of this!" Igor growled as he picked the musket up. With his  
entire strength, he slammed it hard against his knee, breaking it into two. With  
the spell finally broken, Goosewing stopped chasing Count Duckula. The mallard  
sighed in relief.

"Wunderbar und Glokenschpeil. Vot ze hell happened?" Goosewing muttered as Klara  
waddled up to him. Both geese looked quite nervous when they noticed the  
residents of Castle Duckula stared at them angrilly.  
"Oh, swinehund." Goosewing whispered nervously to his best friend as he realized  
he forgot his vampire weapons at home.  
"Vhen ze goink gets tough, ze tough gets goink!" the elderly gander stated with  
bravo to his female friend.  
"Ze tough get goink?" Klara sounded very confused.  
"Ja, ze tough get goink!", Goosewing honked loudly as he grabbed Klara by the  
arm and ran through the passage,"Help! Help! Vomen un me first!"

The elderly doctor leaped out of the window and landed in his hot-air balloon.  
He swiftly unfastened the rope that was tied around the castle. Count Duckula,  
Igor and Nanny watched as the hot-air balloon flew higher and higher until it  
was just a tiny speck in the sky.

"Thank goodness that's over!" Duckula sighed in relief. When he turned around to  
face his servants, his beak hung open in shock. Nanny had a love-struck look on  
her face as she flirtingly batted her eyelashes as Igor. It was obvious that she  
thought Igor meant it when he asked her hand in marriage.  
"M'Lord, help!" Igor gasped as Nanny approached him with her good arm  
outstretched.

As the villagers shudder in fear as they heard the butler's screams of agony  
echo from the castle, we bid farewell to friends and foes alike.

Goodnight out there… Whatever you are!

The End


End file.
